my mom found the one soul food spot in north chicago and they had a sweet potato waffle that was filled with chicken that came with chicken boob (aka breast) draped in nutmeg hot sauce and now i love her even more for finding this glorious, dream-like meal 

JUST DONT

I got called ugly by a 3 year old and she threw a lego at me and dropped her ice cream in my dreads. 

In my head I was like: “YOU LIL ASS HOE AGH I JUST WASHED THIS SHIT IT SMELLED LIKE MANGOS THIS MORNING YOU NAZI GINGER CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO SOMEONE I SAID I LIKED YOUR SHOES I OFFERED YOU MY PEN!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

What I verbally said: “ohhhhh heeey……wow. It’s ok………lil buddy……” 

songless:

If you respect a woman less because you’ve seen her naked or were lucky enough to have sex with her, you deseve to tread on only lego for the rest of your stupid life.

1. when i get drunk i try to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk
2. when I get high I listen to “dead sea” by the lapalux just for the sample of the trumpet and i play it for hours